Loads of love to you paati

 This is a rare love story of a grand mom and her granddaughter💝. One of a kind!!

I knew!!! I knew!!!

Everyone around me told “Habba Sindhu came! Seeing her, her grand mom will recover soon!!”Everyone there thought I have come to support her.But deep inside I knew am coming to bid her a good bye!

I had prayed for this moment for years. The moment she leaves this planet, I should be right next to her. My prayer is answered. Although am shattered, am proud, happy and am thanking God profusely for letting me be there at the right moment.

Paati,

Did you realize that you were behaving like a kid, when you were shutting down? You told me many unusual things. Hay lady! How come you were so brave and you were welcoming your death?

You told me; “Someone” has come to take you off. You were conversing with that “Someone”, that your granddaughter is on10 days leave, this is the right time. And then you turned to me and said “Someone “is telling you to see something as a final sight!!

I showed you, Lord Krishna’s photo. You said HE looked so beautiful. And you even sang bhajans on HIM like an excited kid.

                                                                                       

I have never seen you singing all these years. I was deeply hurt, but I kept a brave face, as I wanted your departure very pleasant. I understood you will be gone any moment.

You thought I did not understand anything? When everybody thought you were recovering, I knew this.

Brave lady! You were preparing yourself to leave.

Bhagavat Gita says:

“One who, at the time of death, fixes his life air between the eyebrows and in full devotion engages himself in remembering the Supreme Lord, will certainly attain to the Supreme Personality of Godhead”

Not everybody gets this beautiful last moments paati. You are a blessed one! All the intimate talks we had, made me realize what is death and you made me understand death also can be so graceful. I even asked you, if you were afraid. You said “Bayama? Enakka?” Oh my God, you were too courageous. You said a Bye to me and asked that someone “Varatumma!”

But then you asked dad, “Anandha, what’s the day today”, he said “Sunday “You told Mr.Someone, Sunday is not a lucky day for you .. So, you chose to leave on Monday know?

And how beautifully and slowly you left your body!! No tear in your eyes! No fear in your heart!

You remembered and mentioned every single person you were close to and you finally detached yourself from everything. You refused food, medicine and gradually started to shut down.

And its Monday. Your body had no movements, but you kept seeing something and continued to breath. I showed you Lord Krishna’s Lotus feet!! I do not know, if you were able to see it. On that fateful day of 31^st May 2021, Monday, 8.40am, you peacefully left the body. Man!! What a gorgeous death! I am amazed. Were you happy seeing Viji Athai & Chithapa at the last moment?

Freeze it!! I want to see you more. More... MORE!!! You looked so peaceful and you looked like a sandal wood… I held your hands tightly knowing that am letting you go forever!!

Hay Mr. Someone who took my grand mom!! Give her all the pleasures. Keep her happy. She is precious!

I was shaken. I felt I was half dead; I had an emotional break down. Dad said, don’t do that, paati doesn’t like you being timid. Be brave!

All your children, grandchildren, daughter in laws were ready to undergo physical/mental stress to save you. All of us left everything beside and revolved around you, round the clock, to keep you alive. Maybe you felt too happy seeing that and chose to leave us, as this must be your happiest moment.

உன் முகம் பார்க்கிறேன் அதில் என் முகம் பார்க்கிறேன்

இந்த பொன் மானை பார்த்துக் கொண்டே

சென்று நான் சேர வேண்டும்

மீண்டும் ஜென்மங்கள் மாறும் போது

நீ என் மகளாக வேண்டும்!! (பூவே பூச்சூடவா பாடல்)

Paati,

You were perfect mixture of love, anger, silence, noise, fun and wit. You were a package, a perfect package to us! You never gossip about anyone. You only see good in people.

Are you watching us? Or you already reached the eternity? Go ahead. Whatever makes you happy! For the life you lead, you deserve a better place. You touched many lives and you wanted yourself be useful to everyone.

I envy the relationship you shared with mom. Everybody would think you both are mom -daughter. Till your last breath, you were calling her name. World looks dark to mom now! You were her support system. She misses you more than we all do!

Except for the last few days, you did all your chores by yourself. Our home is very empty without you. All those 10 days, Karthi was carrying you, coz you were not able to walk. Few months back too, he carried you coz you were unconscious. Later, I was pulling his leg saying, look at you, carrying her like a heroine. Karthi was your dietician, care taker all these days. You told me, Karthi is suffering coz of you.  You don’t like somebody laboring for you know! So, you left?

Hay paati, that mango pickle you made few days back is too good as usual. How you use to send eatables to my friends and my helper. What a kind hearted human being you were!!!

You were too liberal for your age; you had friends who belong to other religions. Even on death bed, you met your friends and kept conversing with them. You can make friends in hospital?? And that doctor who treated you also was your friend? Amazing. You taught me humans are beyond religion/caste/status/money. You treated everyone with respect.

Paati,

I remember the beautiful times I had with you. Whenever I come home, I get up early as usual, peep into your room and if you are not there, my heart will be jumping high. Coz, you ll be waiting for me in the vaasal or kitchen.

And then your standard question: “Enna ma thookam varaliya”. We will make tea and start talking as if we both are the only humans existing on earth.

I still peep into your room; you are not there. I looked for you in the kitchen, I saw in the vaasal too. You are not there…

Of late, I started going to Kishore’s room in middle of the night. He fondly remembers that his usual routine is to work the whole night and while going to bed by 4am, he makes oats soup for himself and to you and go to bed.He asks me “Enna akka thookam varaliya” I could hear your voice through him. I look at his hand, your name is tattooed. I feel your presence!

Paati your slippers are still lying in my car!!

தேடி பார்த்தேனே காணோம் உன்ன

கண்ணாமூச்சி ஏன் வா நீ வெளியே

தாயே உயிர் பிரிந்தாயே

என்ன தனியே தவிக்க விட்டாயே

இன்று நீ பாடும் பாட்டுக்கு நான் தூங்க வேண்டும்

நான் பாடும் பாட்டுக்கு தாயே நீ கண் விழித்தாலே போதும்!!! (அம்மா அம்மா பாடல் )

Paati,

Even if I would have heard 100 times, am not bored listening to your past life. I love listening to your setbacks, struggles. It fascinates me. I learnt from you, how to stand up for myself and take control of any situation thrown at me. You see opportunity in every tough situation. You were a minimalist. You hate unnecessary luxuries. This must be the reason you chose your death ceremony too to be a low-key ritual.

You taught me every single thing to live happily. Yet you did not teach me how to handle your absence. I will take a lifetime to know that. I bet; I won’t succeed doing it.

You like pizza, burger, momos, french fries, kurkure, masala oats, noodles. When I buy these for you, I use to feel am shopping for a kid. My friends would laugh if I say, my granny loves to eat pizzas and momos…

 Your fingers. That pale, fragile, long fingers. I can’t forget that paati. How much you have done to me with those hands…That beautiful hands!! Till my last visit, you made sure, you fed me at least once with your hands.

I remember Rabindranath Tagore’s

“At the immortal touch of thy hands

My little heart loses its limits in joy

And gives birth to utterance ineffable”

I don’t know why these lines got stuck in my head since childhood. Now I understood the reason. This is the exact feeling I have for you now. “Your immortal touch”.

That wrinkled skin, broken teeth, grey hair, pale body, stern look. Who can be more beautiful than you!!Nobody can dare take you away from me. I have injected you in every cell of mine.

Paati,

Anybody who enters the house, shouldn’t leave without eating. Your rule know? And you remember favorites of every single person in your life know. You make sure that everybody eats their favorite food when they come to our home. Your hospitality is one thing nobody can forget. That way paati I must tell you; you little tortured your daughter in laws. Every day you make them do everybody’s favorites.  When I say, they are also getting older know paati. You say “Enna ma vela irukku?” Ha ha. Typical mother-in-law. Rules are rules for you!!

And even in your death bed, you told me, you have kept my favorite papaya fruit in the fridge and you were forcing me to eat it. You love surprising me… I remember how you came to Bangalore to celebrate my birthday last year!!

And how you pronounce English. Adhaan ma chechuu.. Iyoo paati adhu chess. Ha ha! Cute you are!And how thatha had taught you to read English and few poems. My favorite is a thirukural in English

“Of whaaattt avaaaailll” If you say this, I’ll burst into laughter!

How you enjoy playing cards and board games with us.

Paati,

All the important moments in my life, you were there. How you helped me when I delivered my kid! That pathiyam you did for me, post-partum, I would cherish it for lifetime.

When I lost my mother-in-law, you instructed me to do all the rituals perfectly. You stood by me. My husband’s relatives were so impressed with me and told mom; you have raised a wonderful daughter. Viji Athai said, she is raised by her paati. Did I make you feel proud paati? Did I make you feel proud when I bagged district rank in board exam?

I just have to move from my bed, you ll get up and make Horlicks for me and helped me with my studies. How will I forget that? How will I repay all this to you?

You even understood my mood with my anklet sound know paati? You know the meaning of my footsteps know? Nobody can love me more than you.. Unconditional Love!!! You always made me feel special. You never judged me. Hay my haters, look at me once through her eyes!!

என் ஆயுள் ரேகை நீயடி

என் ஆணி வேரடி

சுமை தாங்கும் எந்தன் கண்மணி

எனை சுடும் பனி

உனக்கென மட்டும் வாழும் இதயமடி

உயிருள்ளவரை நான் உன் அடிமையடி (பிறை தேடும் பாடல் ) 

Last you ate was your favorite mango rice, that too made and fed by dad. I saw how dad was treating you like a kid. And you were becoming a total adamant kid in his hands.

Paati, have you seen dad crying? Not even for thatha’s death know ... I heard thatha left us when dad was just 28 years old. Good you left without seeing all this.

Nobody can live a life like you and nobody can die a death like you!! I want to time travel, become a kid, lay my leg on your big tummy and sleep for some time.

I must say, I saw the grandeur in your life and death as well.

Come back to me!!

As a flower in my garden, or

As a fragrance of my cooking, or

As a spouse of any of your grand kid, or

As a kid in my womb…

Whichever way you can…

Whichever way you like...

You conquered hundreds of hearts! You conquered the death! You are a True Queen! So is your name “Rani”

வேரெதுவும் தேவை இல்லை நீ மட்டும் போதும் ...

கண்ணில் வைத்து காத்திருப்பேன் என்னவானாலும் ...

உன் எதிரில் நான் இருக்கும் ஒவ்வொரு நாளும் ...

உச்சி முதல் பாதம் வரை வீசுது வாசம் ...

தினமும் ஆயிரம் முறை பார்த்து முடித்தாலும் ...

இன்னும் பார்த்திட சொல்லி பாழும் மனம் ஏங்கும் ... (தாரமே தாரமே பாடல்)